Out of the blue at 18 in 2005 I got pain in my leg and started to limp. I went to so many health professionals I lost count. Suddenly I got worse as time went on and I couldn't walk and my back was in extreme pain. I was misdiagnosed and later diagnosed with a benign tumour in my sacrum and had to have surgery. Three months later it doubled in size and I was referred to a specialist. It was a long journey and this time the tumour was all removed in a 8 hour operation but I needed metal rods and bolts to hold up my spine as the tumour ate away my bone in my back.
Fast forward to 2008 I was misdiagnosed when I was 21 and then diagnosed with a malignant tumour called 'osteosarcoma' which is an aggressive bone cancer in the sacrum & spine. As I was told it felt like time had froze and my brain couldn't take it in, what the doctor was telling me. I was oblivious that I was getting bad news on that day. Cancer? It was like slow motion and I was in shock and thought about all the worst case scenarios, especially death. I didn't even know my benign tumour could turn into cancer.
I was told there was no option to save my eggs. Due to the cancer treatment I later went through the menopause & I'm now infertile. I've found this extremely hard emotionally & wasn't really offered any support specifically for that which I needed to help me come to terms with it. I still get depressed every now & then from it and now have Cognitive Behavioural Therapy which is just basically talking to a Psychologist about how you are feeling. I've always been maternal & wanted children & was desperate to save my eggs at 21.
Death felt so near to me because of the unknown and I worried a
lot. At one point my parents were told I had 18 months to live. In 2008 at
Christmas time I found out I was probably going to die. My brain couldn't take
it in and being young I felt I was having my life cut short at 21. There were
times I couldn't stop crying and it would depress me thinking about it. I had
chemotherapy in 2008 and radiotherapy in 2009.
I was fortunate in 2012 to perform as a wheelchair dancer in the
Opening Ceremony of the Paralympics. It was such a great experience, I've never
felt so alive and ecstatic.
In 2014 I passed the milestone of 6 years in part remission but
sadly my lovely Dad died of Pancreatic Cancer on the 22nd January 2014 at
4:40am.
I know death is around the corner but I've put it to one side and moved forward with my life.
MY BLOG WAS SHORTLISTED IN THE FINAL FOR THE FIRST THAT PROTEIN & HBC HEALTH BLOG AWARDS 2016:
My blog was a finalist for two different categories in the First UK Blog Awards.
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